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Call (602) 279-2980 or (800) 782-6400
Arizona Relay Service 7-1-1
It is hard to know what to do and where to go when someone discloses that violence is happening within their relationship. Domestic violence affects not only the survivor of the violence, but also those close to them such as family and friends. It is important to validate what someone currently or has experienced. By saying phrases such as, “I believe you” or “It’s not your fault” to the person experiencing violence, this indicates you are safe person and are willing to listen. Your love, support, and understanding are what your family/friend needs.
As a supportive person in a survivor’s life, avoiding “why” questions asked to a victim/survivor is important to remember. For example, asking someone, “Why don’t you just leave?”, “Why do you stay?” or, “Why haven’t you done XYZ?” adds to the survivor feeling like it is their fault that someone caused them harm. This puts the blame on the survivor, instead of the person who brought violence into the relationship. Focus on responding supportively to what your family/friend is telling you. Consider gathering safe resources if the survivor is able and willing to take them such as a referral to a domestic violence program or advocate who can support them in finding safety and services in their community.
Below is a list of supportive tips you can use to support a friend or loved one who has experienced domestic violence.
1. Don’t be afraid to let them know you are concerned for their safety.
Tell them you see what is going on and you want to help. Help them recognize what is happening is not normal and they deserve a life free from violence.
2. Be supportive.
Listen to them. Remember it may be difficult for them to talk about the violence. Let them know you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen to them.
Statements of Support:
- I am here for you.
- I am concerned for your safety.
- There is help available.
- You are not alone.
- It isn’t your fault.
- I believe you.
3. Be nonjudgmental.
Respect their decisions. Do not criticize their decisions or try to make them feel guilty. They will need your support even more during these times.
4. If they end the relationship, continue to be supportive of them.
Even though the relationship was abusive, they may still feel sad and lonely once it ends. They will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.
5. Encourage them to talk to people who can provide help and guidance.
Find a local sexual assault or domestic violence program that they can connect with. If they have to go to the police, court, or a lawyer, offer to go with them for moral support.
Important Phone Numbers
The Arizona Sexual and Domestic Violence Helpline
Available Monday – Friday, 8:30a – 5:00p, Tuesdays 8:30a – 7:00p
Phone: (602) 279-2980 | (800) 782-6400 | Arizona Relay Service 7-1-1
SMS Text: (520) 720-3383
Email: helpline@acesdv.org
6. Remember that you cannot “rescue” them.
Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately, they have to be the one to decide what they need to do and when.
7. Discuss safety concerns with them.
Remember that a survivor knows their situation best. It’s important to talk with them about how to access resources for identifying safety plans. You may have ideas about what they should do but it’s important that you allow them to make their own choices.